blog #12

ah number 12. and im sat on my bed again. but ive been up this time. had coffee. i feel quite useless right now. which is why im writing, cos i dont know what else to do. im drinking my girlfriends cold coffee and no doubt's 'don't speak' is playing. which sums it up.
the situation is now that when my mum phones me, she starts the conversation with 'he's still alive'. she phoned just now and im glad she did. she doesnt phone much. and with the current situation, she needs to start with that line. im on standby to jump on a train. no-one in my family has died before. this easter is going to be not so fun, i feel. i need my mum to be ok, cos if she isnt then im not. i can cope with anything if shes coping.
the music is going into me with more emotion than it should. though maybe im just listening to the wrong songs.
i think i will stop writing, im not helping myself.
please dont comment.